my three pillars

so we move in just over 3 months. It's pretty crazy- such a big decision. It is also very bitter sweet- it's sweet because it's a new chapter in Sheena's and my life together. We're excited to move home and be part of life there- family, community, university etc. It is bitter though because we're not leaving Reno because we're unhappy (it'd be so much easier to leave if we hated this place, but we don't).

The past while now I've been reminded of the similarities for me between now (moving home) and when i moved to Reno in 2006. My last year at home (2005/6) was one of the biggest wastes and missed opportunities I think I have had in my life so far. It was my last year in uni and I was living with my brother, some of the greatest friends anyone could ask for, and Erasto, a random Mexican!! The year was fantastic, absolutely incredible- having a hand in showing the light to my roommate and helping him move from being a vegetarian to a meat eater again I think was the highlight of my year. But there was so many more- Steve's endless supplies of movies, finding James drinking hard alcohol in his room on his own at night, seeing my brother grow exponentially, prayers every morning, the eternal dish struggle that plagues pretty much every house, locking people in bathrooms with a wardrobe, watching football game after football game with the Prince of Mexico, the endless parties and the subsequent endless complaints that resulted in numerous police and university official visits!! It was a great year- a year to be envied.

Unfortunately, I feel like I missed out on a lot of it simply because I wasn't present. For most of the year I was so desperate to leave something beautiful for something beautiful. It seemed like most of my time (at least most of my head time) was consumed with Sheena and moving to Reno in a very unhealthy way. While it was one of the best and most memorable years in my life, where I received infinitely, I feel that I wasn't present enough to give as much as I could have.

Subsequently, I am deeply aware of doing the same thing this time around. Of thinking of home- of my family, of greystown, of live football, of my friends, of the dreams I have for Sheena and I, of going back to school, of getting to coach basketball again, of community- and missing the last months I have here in Reno. As a result, I've become reasonably good at taking captive some of my thoughts (for once) when it comes to day dreaming about moving- not only am I not present when i do this, but the dreams and expectations more often than not tend to be very unrealistic (hence my breakdown at Christmas).

Instead, during the healthy times when I do get to think on my own, I've been reflecting backwards. I've been here in Reno for 1229 days and during my time here God has taught me more than I thought was possible. I feel that for me, for now, it's more healthy and fair to those around me that I contemplate this instead of the future. As I've reflected back on the past 3+ years I think that most of what I have learnt revolves around 3 different (but very connected) things- 3 pillars if you will.

I've been trying to articulate to myself what these pillars look like more and more. I feel that they are very important for me especially, but also for others. I think this for a number of reasons. To start with, they are something that I want the rest of my life to revolve around- clear focal points that can keep me grounded in who God loves me to be. I also feel the same for Sheena and our future family- that this is primarily where I will live these things out on a day to day basis. But I also feel that they are for others too- as all truth is God's truth and should be proclaimed, so...

1. REMEMBER (http://moreaboutthetone.blogspot.com/2009/04/zakar.html). This was one of my first ever blog posts and I'm not going to paste it in- go and read it! Basically however, the idea is pretty simple- remember! I figure if it's important enough for God to spend what seems like most of the Bible asking us to do, it's probably quite important.

This is my central pillar- the one that is most important to me- so important, in fact, that it has inspired a tattoo which i want (but am terrified to get!)

στοργή

φιλία

זכר

ἔρως

ἀγάπη

so yeah, that's the tattoo- it's going to be on the inside of my right arm and I can't wait...kinda!

2. WHOLEISM. I think this is a word I made up. I think this is the hardest pillar for me because the other two pillars definitely come more naturally to me. This is something that God had been growing in my brain for quite a while and I was able to more concretely articulate with my last talk/discussion I lead at RCF. We talked about our bodies being a temple although I felt that the usual stuff about it only really being about sexual things was saddening. So, I deconstructed it a little. We ended up asking ourselves crazy questions- questions which I feel are perhaps as important to Jesus as any of the sexual questions. Questions like- if our body is a temple then...

what about what we eat? do we just pile shit into our bodies all day? What about how much we eat? What about why we eat? What about what we do after we eat? And what about drinking? What about how much we drink? What about why we drink? What about sleeping? What about sleeping in all day and still waking up tired? What about staying up till ridiculously late times every day and always being tired? Doesn't that affect everything? What about exercise? What about being lazy? What about playing video games all day and not even breathing fresh air? What about the video games we play? What about the movies we watch? What about what these things do to our brains and thought processes directly or indirectly? What about the toxins we unnecessarily put into the world that harm us and everything around us? What about the lifestyles we live that allow the state of the earth to get crappier and crappier...

...if our body IS a temple...

And this conversation I had with High Schoolers has haunted me ever since. I've come to realise that the life Jesus calls us to isn't a simple 'make a decision and then try and screw up as little as possible'. I've also come to realise that it also isn't a life where the only difference between my life and joe blogs next door's life is that I don't sleep in on a Sunday...it effects EVERYTHING. I strongly believe God may be as interested in our 'eternal' destination as He is in every single other little detail in my daily life. This is why i ran for a while, this is why I try to eat a little more healthier (which, let's be honest, when you ate as unhealthily as I did, the only way is up anyway!). This is why I try to get out of bed in the mornings even when I don't have to. This is why I don't really watch TV. This is why I try a lot of things (or even try not to do a lot of things)- not because it makes God love me more, not because they are, in and of themselves, bad things, but because how I engage with these issues is as important to God as a prayer I said in France when I was 15.

3. BLESSED TO BE A BLESSING. I learnt this from Darrin M. When God begins to really get the ball rolling with Abraham, he blesses the shit out of him. And it seems like the main reasons God did this (one of the rare times God gives us a reason!) was so that Abraham could be a blessing: blessed to be a blessing.

Genesis 12:1-3

And crikey- have I been blessed- with a hot, loving, supportive friend and wife- with an infinite of true, real friends, with a family of which I would change nothing about, with a great and free education, with a healthy body, with cheap rent for 7 years...I could go on and on and on and on (but this post if way too long already).

And as a result, I'm called/asked/get to be a blessing to others. I feel like this is maybe the easiest one for me- sometimes I forget, and it's really easy to be lazy and play fm all week and eat pizza forever, but being generous, being a blessing to others, for me, is much easier.

So there we have it, it was good for me to write this down- I feel like I am not done with this post and will probably come back to it now and again. And although I'm not obsessing about next year, I am excited to see how these three pillars morph and take more and more practicality and shape in Belfast!

Me